


I wish that I could let you love me

by Cherrie



Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Also Louis is really bad with names, Alternate Universe - College/University, Frat Boy Harry, Liam and Jade are there for like two seconds, M/M, Oops inspired, but he's not really a typical frat boy is he, even more background Ziam, very background Jerrie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-07 23:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17375351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrie/pseuds/Cherrie
Summary: Could he handle leaving for six months? He asked himself in his head, and soon enough another question followed: could he handle staying, knowing who he would be staying for?





	I wish that I could let you love me

**Author's Note:**

> PHEW! This was a tough one, I started a new job and I have zero free time so sorry about being late but I'm here and so is my newest child, inspired by Oops by Little Mix. 
> 
> and to the more important things: HUGE fucking THANK YOU to Serena, my beta who did all of the editing in a speed of light, thank you, you are the best!

She wasn’t even that pretty. Sure, she was tall and skinny but like... she looked like she was trying too hard. And she was flipping her hair like crazy. I mean, if your hair disturbs you that much just tie it in a fucking bun or a ponytail or some shit? And what was with that lipstick? It was a 6:20am class for Christ’s sake. Louis had his pyjama bottoms on and there she was with a fuckng blue lipstick on?

 

Well okay, maybe he could respect someone who could pull that off this early in the morning but he was not acknowledging that because she was pissing him off.

 

‘Lou,’ Perrie whispered straight into his ear, making him jump.

 

‘Jeez, Pez.’ He said, clutching the front of his shirt. ‘You scared me.’

 

‘You should be paying more attention instead of drilling a hole in Harry’s new squeeze’s head.’ She snickered.

 

‘Shut up.’ Louis hissed, looking around to see if anyone heard her. ‘’M not.’ He grumbled when he saw that everyone was still looking at the professor showing some slideshow.

 

‘Her name is Kendall.’ Perrie dished, ignoring Louis’ protests. ‘She’s just transferred here from Cal U. She’s here on track scholarship. She also already got into Alpha Xi Delta.’

 

‘Gross.’ Louis commented under his breath.

 

‘Do popular people have some kind of a code we commoners don’t know about?’ Perrie wondered, looking at Kendall and Harry curiously while biting on her pencil. ‘Is there like a you have cool shoelace tumblr thing but for popular kids? How do they always know to group together?’

 

‘Biology. Pheromones. General pretensciousity. Dunno.’ Louis shrugged. ‘Let’s just do this project.’ He sighed and turned towards the professor's presentation. He needed to ace this class, just as he had to ace all of his classes considering he was here on academic scholarship. He needed a certain GPA to maintain it.

 

‘Does he know you’re back?’ Perrie asked quietly, not looking at him.

 

‘Dunno.’ Louis shrugged. ‘It’s not like we occupy the same social circles.’ He grimaced with a fake smile.

 

‘You could just always say hi after class.’ She proposed, wincing in anticipation of his reaction.

 

‘Wouldn’t want to intrude.’ Louis gritted out through his teeth, throwing a sour look towards Harry who was currently throwing his arm around Kendall’s chair and playing with her hair. ‘Also I have a tutoring session right after.’

 

‘Since when do you need a tutor?’ Perrie asked.

 

‘Please, Edwards.’ Louis sneered. ‘I’m tutoring some dude who is failing out of French.’

 

‘Don’t mean to be rude, but you literally take basic French. Why the fuck are you teaching?’

 

‘I mean he only needs enough to pass the same class as me, so I asked Ms. Cole if I could. I could use the extra credit and also it’s a good way to memorize everything myself so it’s a win-win. I’ll get extra credit and cut down on my revision hours.’ He shrugged. ‘Do you want to come with? We’re gonna study in the library.’

 

‘Nah thanks. Wifey and I are going to The Song of Ice and Fire trivia.’

 

‘To what trivia what now?’ Louis asked looking at Perrie with a hint of disgust.

 

‘Books that Game of Thrones are based on?’ Perrie deadpanned. ‘Seriously you give nerds a bad name.’ She grumbled, turning her head back to her laptop.

 

Louis figured it was as good of a time as any to finally start listening to the professor. Granted, he already knew what he was going to write his assignment about, but still he could take some notes.

 

After class he snuck out of the back entrance seeing as Harry and Candice or whatever her name was were standing near the front, and maybe he was not expecting Harry to be in this class and he didn’t really want him to see Louis for the first time in six months in his pyjama bottoms.

 

It wasn’t a Harry thing. It was a pride thing.

 

He’d have to start to dressing up for this class, wouldn’t he?

 

Goddamnit.

 

He stomped towards the library thinking about how much earlier he was going to have to wake up now to not look like total shit in this class. He was kind of hoping that he could make it on coffee and brushed teeth alone for that one class and a tutoring session since he had a two hour break after, perfect to go home take a shower and eat a normal breakfast, and this way he could wake up at 6am not an hour earlier. This was going to destroy his entire fucking cycle.

 

Fucking Harry.

 

‘Are you seriously wearing pyjama pants?’ He heard the guy he was supposed to tutor exclaim when he made his way towards the table at the back of the library that he was sitting at.

 

‘I am. I had a 6:20 class.’ Louis deadpanned, putting his stuff on the table and looking around. It was a good place. Very secluded, quiet. Louis approved.

 

‘Fucking legend, Tommo!’ The guy exclaimed jovially, throwing his head back with laughter.

 

Louis narrowed his eyes at him. ‘Tommo?’

 

‘‘S a nickname bro. Your name is Tomlinson right?’

 

‘...Yeah.’ Louis responded hesitantly.

 

‘I’m Niall. I’m not sure if I had time to introduce myself last time after class.’

 

‘Sure Neil.’ Louis smirked, opening his book and making Niall guffaw.

 

So maybe the guy wasn’t that bad. Louis wasn’t so sure at first especially since he was wearing a frat jumper. Frat guys were usually douches. It’s not like Louis was discriminating against them or whatever. He had a lot of scientific evidence. Like Harry. Harry was the evidence. With his long legs, his charisma, and those fucking curls. He was the kind of person to casually offer you a smoke just because you happen to be standing on the same empty balcony at the crowded party, and you take the cigarette even though you promised to quit smoking and then you end up against the wall with Harry towering over you with that cocky smirk of his that tells you that he knows exactly what he’s doing to you and it’s so infuriating but the friction is so good and…

 

Stop.

 

Louis was wearing pyjama pants. This was not the best moment to get a hate boner.

 

He should really look into the fact that he was so attracted to someone that he hated so much. He was pretty sure that it wasn’t even how Harry looked, it was just the fact that he was an asshole. That’s why Louis wanted him. Daddy issues, he guessed? If he had to place blame somewhere that seemed like a logical leap.

 

‘Tommo?’

 

‘What?’ Louis came back to reality, seeing Niall waving his hand in front of his eyes.

 

‘You spaced out there.’ Niall chuckled.

 

‘Yeah, sorry. Where were we?’ He asked, shaking himself awake.

 

‘I was just talking about the party my fraternity is hosting. You should come by.’ Niall smiled widely and handed Louis a flyer.

 

 _A keger._ Louis thought. _What an earth shattering idea._

 

Jesus Christ and Louis was just starting to like the guy.

 

‘It's a drag party.’ Niall added, making Louis’ head snap up. ‘We have a girl in our fraternity and she came out as trans at the beginning of the year? One of the professors misgenders her all the time and writes her up for wearing dresses and makeup and shit. The keger is the start of a week long protest - we want to convince as many people as we can to cross dress to every one of his classes.’

 

Louis looked at him with his mouth hanging open.

 

‘I mean…’ Niall said, massaging his neck uncomfortably. ‘Like we know It's not the same at all. Cross dressing or drag and being transgender. But from his point of view it is. Maybe we won't change his mind but at least we'll take away some of his power, because he won't be calling out one person, singling her out. It will be all of us. Like when Harry came up with it we asked her first if she would want to, and she approved of it!’ Niall said, looking more nervous with every word, not sure whether he had said something offensive.

 

‘Harry?’ Louis asked, choked up.

 

‘Harry Styles! He's our new chapter president! He's fucking awesome, you’d like him.’ Niall stated, the same cliche everyone always cited when expressing a halfhearted interest to introduce someone to you. _Oh I like him alright,_ Louis thought. ‘And he looks bloody amazing in heels.’ Niall added jokingly.

 

‘Does he?’ Louis asked, fighting a blush spreading on his cheeks. _Must be the legs._ His traitorous mind chipped in.

 

‘I mean, if you don't believe me just show up to the party, man. Do you have any classes with Cowell?’

 

‘Cowell is a transphobic dickhead? Why am I not surprised in the slightest?’ Louis asked, distaste evident in his voice. ‘I have one class with him this semester. Count me in for the protest.’

 

Louis folded the flyer and put it carefully inside his FFrench book, before herding Niall back to his studying. They had a quiz two weeks from now and Niall could barely pronounce _‘Bonjour’._ Louis managed to outline for him the basic stuff he would have to remember for the test. He copied it quickly for himself and turned to Niall with a smile.

 

‘This is basically everything you need for the test.’

 

‘That’s ace man!’ Niall yelled out jovially. ‘I have to run now. Do you need a ride somewhere?’

 

‘Nah thanks, I live like 10 minute walk from here.’

 

‘As you wish, but see you Friday right?’ Niall yelled and without even waiting for Louis’s answer, he disappeared.

 

Yeah, see you Friday.

 

Louis was fucking screwed.

 

* * *

 

‘I look awful.’ Louis sighed, looking at his poorly constructed make-up in the mirror.

 

‘Yeah. You look like you did when I was learning to do make-up on you.’ His sister Lottie giggled from her place on the chair in the corner of his room.

 

‘Well can you fix this?’ Louis pleaded, turning around. Lottie sighed, standing up.

 

‘You’re trying too hard.’ She said, poking at his fake tits. ‘Why the fuck do you need those. You are not really a drag queen, you don’t have the balls to pull that off.’ She shook her head and took them out of his bra. ‘Take that shit off.’

 

She then rummaged through her bag and took out few pieces of clothing and threw them at his head. He decided not to question her and put them on. She then wiped his face did his make-up from scratch and put his wig on his head. Once she strapped her heels onto his feet, he turned around and looked into the mirror.

 

‘Well you look almost as good as me in those.’ Lottie smiled and winked at him. ‘Have fun at your party. We’re on for dinner tomorrow right?’

 

‘Yes, love.’ Louis nodded, kissing her cheek softly.

 

She was studying in the same city but she was all the way on the other side of town in a beauty and fashion school. Still, they had a standing dinner date every other week. Today he had asked her to come in to help him dress up for the party.

 

Ten minutes later he was picked up by Jade and Perrie, Jade wearing a tux and Perrie dressed as the androgynous lead of a rock band.

 

‘Damn Edwards, you look hot.’ He joked, kissing her cheek when he jumped in the car.

 

‘Keep it in your pants baby girl.’ Jade warned from behind the steering wheel.

 

‘You are all dolled up.’ Perrie noted, turning around in her seat. ‘Who did you dress to impress, huh?’

 

‘For your information, I dressed up for myself.’ Louis said, turning his nose up.

 

‘’Oh?’ Perrie asked with a glint in her eyes. ‘Completely unrelated, you do know who is the new chapter president right?’ She wiggled her eyebrows.

 

‘Pez.’ Louis sighed. ‘Honestly, me and Harry… we’re done. And even when we weren’t, we were nothing, so like. Don’t bring it up? People don’t know and I’m sure he wasn’t going around bragging about it so just…’ He said, feeling his cheeks heating up. He knew it was his idea to not tell people, but Harry was really happy about following suit which wasn’t really that great for Louis’ ego.

 

Perrie just nodded sadly and Jade threw him one quick glance in the rearview mirror and quickly changed the subject.

 

When they got there, the party was pretty crowded and you could tell that the fraternity had pulled out all of the stops. There were tables of alcohol and finger food, and kegs and rainbow ornaments anywhere you could see. There was even a DJ booth set up. Louis stepped inside the living room and the first thing he saw was Harry freaking Styles wearing thigh high heels, a short skirt, and a burgundy top.

 

He needed a drink ASAP.

 

He pushed his way to the kitchen and heard a loud yell of ‘TOMMO’ from the top of the counter.

 

‘Neil!’ He cheered back, clapping the hand Niall outstretched in greeting.

 

‘You look hot, Lou!’ Niall wiggled his eyebrows and hugged his side. ‘Meet everyone! This is Zayn, Liam, Jesy, and Leigh Anne. Everyone, this is Louis Tomlinson! My French tutor.’ Niall beamed.

 

‘Oh, he’s teaching you French?’ Liam wiggled his eyebrows.

 

‘Dude.’ Niall shook his head. ‘You are such a filthy animal when you’re drunk, honestly. Zayn, control your man please.’ Niall turned towards the guy wearing a secretary outfit.

 

‘Louis Tomlinson…’ He mused around the brim of his red solo cup.

 

‘That is my name.’ Louis answered, narrowing his eyes, not really keen on this guy’s tone. What was his deal anyway?

 

‘Nice to finally meet you, s’all.’ Zayn smirked looking at him and Louis’ skin crawled. What the fuck. He had no idea who this dude was or why was he looking at Louis like he knew some secret that Louis was not in on and was infinitely amused by it.

 

‘Oh because you’ve heard so much about me?’ He deadpanned.

 

‘Believe it or not.’ Zayn grinned at him. What an asshole. ‘Again, nice to meet you.’ He nodded and grabbed Liam’s hand before moving out of the kitchen.

 

‘What do you want to drink?’ Niall asked like he did not even notice the weird exchange.

 

‘Something strong?’ Louis asked, hopeful.

 

‘You got it.’ NIall grinned.

 

Louis was not good at parties. Niall tried to include him in the conversation but there were more people coming around and he didn’t know them and they all seemed to know each other and it was awkward. He blessed his heels because for once he didn’t have to stand on his tippy toes to look around the room, but he couldn't locate Perrie and Jade so he just slipped away from the circle, grabbed a bottle and moved to the back of the house where he knew the deck was.

 

It was blissfully quiet since they had a smoking room inside, so Louis sighed contentedly and sat on the bench and took out his cigarettes from his purse. He tried to quit before. Over a year ago that now seemed like light years. Quitting didn’t really work with Harry. It worked even less without Harry.

 

He heard the glass door sliding open behind him since the music became loud for a second before getting muted again. He turned around to see who it was and his stomach twisted.

 

‘You’re back.’ Harry said, leaning against the wall and looking down at his ridiculous boots.

 

‘Yeah,’ Louis nodded. ‘I came back a few days before the beginning of the semester,’ He added, hating how his voice trembled a bit.

 

‘Figured you’d call me.’ Harry said, his voice sounding cold and calculating and he looked up at Louis for the first time.

 

‘Why?’ Louis asked and Harry flinched.

 

‘You’re right. Why would you call your secret booty call.’ Harry said through his teeth.

 

‘Exactly.’ Louis snapped back.

 

The tension was fucking unbearable. Louis had managed to forget how it was to be in the same room with Harry when he was away. Fuck, this was awful. His body was literally tingling with the need to go closer to Harry and touch him, and for a second there he actually thought he made Harry move by sheer force of will alone because in seconds Harry was in his space, backing him up against the pillar.

 

‘But you are here.’ He smirked, looking down at Louis, his hands hovering around his waist like he was waiting for a permission to touch him. God, fuck him for being so thoughtful, Louis could not stand it.

 

‘I am?’ Louis squeaked out, his voice hitching up at the end making it seem like a question.

 

‘I missed your skin.’ Harry whispered quietly, filling up the miniscule space left between them. All Louis had to do was arch up to connect their bodies, but he was literally frozen in place. Pinned down by Harry’s gaze.

 

‘You did?’ Louis breathed out, not controlling his words or movement anymore.

 

‘I did, baby girl.’ Harry murmured with this infuriating smirk on his face that always made Louis want to drop to his knees. ‘Did you miss me?’ He added, looking straight into Louis’ eyes.

 

Fuck Louis’ life.

 

This is exactly why he didn’t want to talk to Harry when he came back because he knew that if Harry would still want to - (And let’s face it, why wouldn’t he? It was a cheap, easy fucking hook up and Louis did everything Harry wanted and why wouldn’t Harry want more of that?) - if Harry still wanted to, Louis would fall into his arms in a fucking snap because he was a weak fucking person.

 

‘Y-yes.’ He stuttered out, blush raising on his cheeks, his hips moving on their own accord almost connecting with Harry’s pelvis. God, he needed to feel him now.

 

‘Can I kiss you?’ Harry asked softly, touching Louis’ chin.

 

‘Yes.’ Louis nodded immediately.

 

‘Can I touch you?’ Harry asked again, leaning even closer. There was nothing hotter than checking consent every step of the way. Louis was fucking screwed.

 

‘Yes, please.’ He whimpered because he seriously could not stand any more of this.

 

‘Shhh baby. I got you.’ Harry said, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. ‘I got you,’ He mumbled one last time before he finally leaned down and connected their lips.

 

Fuck, Louis missed him.

 

He missed how his enormous hands would cup his face, covering most of his cheeks and his neck. How he would slide his hands down his spine all the way to cup his ass and then hitch him up to lean him against the wall. He missed him so much.

 

The door opening and two girls giggling brought him back to reality as he saw them stumbling down towards the garden. Harry must have noticed them too because he unglued himself from Louis’ neck and looked back like he was surprised there were other people around them.

 

‘We should move this upstairs.’ He said, putting Louis gently back on the ground.

 

‘Yeah.’ Louis breathed, his mind unfocused and he let himself be pulled by Harry by the hand.

 

* * *

 

Oh Louis was fucked.

 

He was lying in Harry’s bed on his front, feeling Harry behind him, their legs tangled together and his fingers drawing patterns on his back. He was fucked. He was pretending he was still asleep because he needed few minutes to collect himself.

 

‘I know you’re not sleeping.’ Harry murmured, kissing his arm softly.

 

Well shit.

 

‘You’re a wizard now?’ Louis asked, turning around to look at him and rolling his eyes.

 

‘No.’ Harry answered gently. ‘You just tensed up when you woke up. I felt it on your back.’

 

‘Maybe if you limited creepy touching to minimum that would not happen.’ Louis murmured, hating the words that came out of his mouth as he rolled to the other side and sat up.

 

‘Stay for breakfast.’ Harry whispered as he moved behind Louis like a shadow, plastering himself to his back.

 

‘No.’ He said, leaning down to pick up his pants. Fuck. He only had the fucking skirt he came in yesterday.

 

‘At least let me make you a cup of coffee, Lou.’ Harry said, catching his hand as Louis stood up, putting the dress back on himself. Well, he guessed he was leaving in it too.

 

‘There’s no need.’ Louis shook his head, looking around for his purse and his heels.

 

‘They are all in the house now, Lou. Are you sure you want them to see you?’

 

Oh right.

 

How could Louis forget that he was not supposed to be seen by any of Harry’s friends.

 

‘Right.’ He nodded curtly. ‘I’ll take that breakfast then.’ He added, looking away from Harry.

 

‘Um… eggs or pancakes?’ Harry asked gently. Fuck his fake sensitivity. Louis did not need it. He might let it pass in bed because let’s face it - Harry was doing that to get off. So when they were having sex Louis knew that all of the soft kisses, whispered sweet nothings and moaned out big words were just to get them there. They were not real. He learned a long time ago to not pay any attention to those. Everything said in a heat of passion were like drunk confessions - meant to be forgotten by the morning.

 

‘Whatever is easier.’ Louis shrugged and went inside the bathroom that was adjacent to Harry’s room. He put some water on his face and brushed his teeth with his finger. There was a second toothbrush in the cup holder. Harry’s room was a single. Fuck. So now Louis was the other person? A lover? Jesus Christ, how low could he go.

 

He went back inside the room and Harry was gone, the door firmly closed. He sat on the bed but then figured he was at least owed some fucking clothes, so he went through Harry’s drawer and put on some sweats. He was fucking swimming in them. He sat on the bed and took out his phone. He was glad he had enough of his wits to text Perrie last night to let her know they didn’t have to wait up for him. He was in for an interrogation later probably.

 

He fucked around on his phone for a bit and he was just starting to wonder where the fuck Harry went, cause he had been gone for at least half an hour, when the door to the room opened again and Harry walked in with a tray in his hands and stopped dead in his tracks.

 

‘You… um.’ He said, clearing his throat. ‘You’re wearing my clothes.’ He added, his voice sounding weak.

 

‘Get over it, all I have is a dress it’s not comfortable.’ Louis snapped. Honestly how dare he. The least he could do is lend Louis some clothes after an entire night of having sex.

 

Harry just swallowed loudly, looking at Louis with big eyes as he put the tray down on the bed next to Louis. There were eggs, pancakes, and a fucking flower in a vase.

 

‘I think you mistook me for one of your girlfriends.’ Louis snapped, taking the flower out of it and putting it on Harry’s nightstand. ‘What, you met someone in the kitchen and had to pretend that Candice or what’s her name is here?’ He added angirly, looking over the pancakes trying to figure out what type they were.

 

‘It’s chocolate-marshmallow, Lou.’ Harry said, pushing the plate with pancakes towards him. ‘Who’s Candice?’

 

‘Your latest conquest? You were all chummy in class on Monday.’

 

‘Wait… Kendall?’ Harry asked over a mouthful of eggs, amused. ‘Tall, dark hair? Has a tendency to wear colorful lipsticks?’

 

‘Yeah that one.’ Louis nodded, remembering that awful blue lipstick. 'Is she also the owner of the toothbrush that I just stumbled upon in the bathroom?' he added

 

‘That might have been awkward.’ Harry smirked at him ignoring the second part of Louis' statement and Louis looked back with raised eyebrows. ‘Me um… what did you call it? Conquering her?’ He added, giggling slightly. ‘Since she’s been already conquered by my sister.’ He finished, looking back at Louis with his eyes shining with barely contained laughter.

 

‘Oh.’ Louis said for lack of anything better to contribute. So this _was_ awkward.

 

‘Were you jealous?’ Harry asked, his lips turning into a smile at their own accord.

 

‘No.’

'She's not my girlfriend Lou, I don't even have a girlfriend. That toothbrush? That's yours. You left it here the last time.' Harry said quietly looking down at his fingers. 

Last time? Louis was pretty sure that the last time he was in Harry's room was almost a year ago. Was he really that lazy that he couldn't throw away a toothbrush nobody was using? 

 

‘Is this why you didn’t call me when you came back from Paris?’ Harry inquired further, taking the tray off of the bed and sitting closer to Louis with his legs crossed.

 

‘Oh, get over yourself.’ Louis snarled, rolling his eyes. ‘I didn’t call you when I was going there, why would I call you when I came back?’ He added, looking at Harry, daring him to call Louis on his bullshit. Instead he could see how Harry’s eyes closed off and he nodded stiffly.

 

‘Right.’ He mumbled curtly. ‘You should probably go. I’ll check if the guys are gone.’ He said, and without further ado, went out of the room.

 

When he came back he wouldn’t look at Louis, just waved him over to follow him. As soon as Louis was out of the door he turned around, still not sure whether he should open his mouth and say something to get Harry to look at him for at least a second, but before he made up his mind whether it was worth it, Harry slammed the door in his face.

 

Whatever.

 

It’s not like Louis cared.

 

* * *

 

‘Louis, did you ever think of branching out?’ His literature professor asked when he was sitting in her office helping her grade some papers.

 

‘Branching out?’ Louis asked mindlessly, marking a sentence with a red marker.

 

‘I know you’re set on investigative journalism, but did you ever think about trying to pave your way with something… commercial first?’ She asked.

 

‘I mean... ‘ Louis sighed. ‘I know that a job in a good, respected commercial title would help me later on. But I would also feel like a dickhead for taking a job away from someone who may actually want it, not just as a stepping stone, you know?’

 

‘You have to think about yourself, Louis.’ She shook her head. ‘Everyone relies on what they have, those things rarely go to someone who doesn’t know anyone or isn’t anyone’s kid. You have to use what you have.’

 

‘But I don’t actually have anything.’ Louis smiled a little bit condescendingly.

 

‘And that is where you are wrong.’ She sing-songed happily. ‘My wife is and editor chief in Harper’s Bazaar. They are hiring now.’

 

‘Oh, so you want me to be excited for nepotism!’ Louis fake cheered.  

 

‘I’m not offering you a job.’ She she shook her head. ‘All I’m saying is that you should apply. I can put your resume on a pile, you know.’ She winked at him.

 

‘Harper's Bazaar though? Really? Isn’t it a fashion magazine?’ He asked skeptically.

 

‘There are articles too!’ She defended, swatting his arms softly. ‘Also even if I could score New York Times for you, you would still make coffee and not touch a single printed page for months.’ She added, smirking. ‘But it will go on your resume or your Linkedin page or whatever you young people do now.’

 

‘I’ll send over my resume.’ Louis conceded.

 

Truth be told, she was right. He didn’t have any connections, he wasn’t from any rich family (something that some told him, happened to be a huge chip on his shoulder) and if he wanted to put his foot in the door he had to use whatever he could. So maybe dealing with pretentious artsy types was worth it in the long run.

 

At least that’s what he was telling himself when he was sitting in the second interview, charming the shit out of some editors who were eating it up. He was a natural born people pleaser if he wasn’t trying to be little shit. He shook their hands at the end of the meeting and went home with a good feeling.

 

It seemed to be mutual since four days later he got a call and offered an internship.

 

Yay.

 

Making coffee for dickheads on heels. Sounded fantastic.

 

But still, he sat at his dorm room and just to try it out, he put Harper’s Bazaar as the last line in the experience section, and he had to admit it looked good. After few days he had to admit that he actually kind of liked the place. He even got to work on some articles. Granted, it was mostly grammar editing and his boss was double checking everything after him, but Louis wasn’t surprised. He had to earn her trust first. The hours were good - he didn’t even have to move around his classes much to accommodate his duties.

 

Part of him should have known it was too good to be true.

 

The first few times that the guy smirked at him across the kitchen or the hallway or the fucking elevator or wherever else he had seen him, Louis thought that he was being cruised. Which. Well. Wasn't that bad. The guy was gorgeous. He had this doe eyed aura around him which when mixed with a cocky smirk and a glint in his dark eyes that made for a intoxicating cocktail. Louis might have even have gone for it. At first. But then the longer he looked at the guy, he found his eyes to not be green enough, his hair not curly enough, his frame just a tad too short to really do it for Louis. After he realised what, or rather who, was keeping him from fucking a very handsome human man, he got pissed at himself for even thinking about him.

 

They hadn’t even seen each other since that fateful party, since Harry slammed the door in his face. It’s not like Louis wasn’t used to being a shameful secret, but the theatricality was a bit too much for him.

 

Fucking Harry, constantly walking around his head when there was a hot guy probably cruising him.

 

He should be getting some action in the ‘emergency’ stopped elevator, that’s what he should be doing.

 

Long story short, by the time he finished his inner conversation on the topic of to fuck or not to fuck, the guy’s smirk slipped from his lips and was replaced with a smile of pure amusement.

 

‘You don't recognize me do you?’

 

‘That’s all you’ve got? Oh, come on, smoldering eyes, you’re better than that.’ Louis tsked with his tongue at what he presumed was a cliche pick up line.

 

‘Louis Tomlinson.’ The guy said and the way he said it made Louis narrow his eyes in sudden realisation. Drag party. Secretary dude. ‘What would our mutual _friend_ say to you trying to hit on me, huh?’

 

‘Don…’ Louis started once again annoyed at how the guy was calling him his full name. ‘Wait. What friend? Niall?’ He asked, dumbfounded, making the guy snort loudly.

 

Just as Louis was about to open his mouth to say something again the elevator opened and the guy - Zack? Zen? - walked past him and patted him on the cheek softly.

 

‘This will be fun.’

 

* * *

 

Monday’s 6:20am class was way more brutal after Louis decided that he needed to wear actual clothes to it.

 

He might have had to also woken up half an hour earlier to wash his hair and put it in a quiff. He had been told that the look brought out the sharpness of his cheekbones and his jaw. Whatever, it wasn’t because Harry always touched his cheekbones when they were in bed. This had nothing to do with Harry, since for the last two weeks he hadn’t even bothered to show up for this class.

 

Louis was one of the first people in the classroom and this time he was not hiding in the back. But he didn’t want to seem like he was trying to get noticed, so he sat in the middle of the classroom and took out his laptop, opening up the word doc with his notes. Everytime he heard someone walking through the door, his eyes snapped up to see if maybe it was Harry, because he should be here. He better fucking be here, ‘cause skipping two classes in a row could be explained, but three? He would be flunked and how fucking stupid was he. It was an important class, and…

 

‘Hi.’ He heard above himself and looked up to see a cup of coffee being thrusted in his face.

 

‘What…’ He started, but Harry just leveled him with an unimpressed look.

 

‘It’s a coffee Louis.’ Harry stated. ‘It’s not like I’m trying to feed you my dick in public. I can bring you coffee, no one will think twice about it.’ He added, rolling his eyes.

 

‘Yeah, sure, because it’s so normal for us to be friends.’ Louis pointed out.

 

‘Why not?’ Harry asked, turning to him with nothing but genuine curiosity.

 

‘Because you’re a rich, perfect suburbian boy, who plays football and is a fraternity president and I’m a charity case on a scholarship.’ Louis spat under his breath. ‘Please don’t act like we hang out in the same circles.’

 

‘We definitely don’t, you apparently hang out with Wild Cats if you think that it matters who plays basketball and who does theatre anymore.’ Harry rolled his eyes, looking down at Louis and taking off his jacket.

 

‘High school musical reference. Do you fancy yourself a Troy Bolton?’ Louis asked, genuinely amused by Harry's metaphor.

 

‘We both have incredible hair, what can I say?’ Harry laughed, sitting by Louis’ side and starting to unpack.

 

‘What are you doing?’ Louis asked, eyeing him warily.

 

‘I'm sitting?’

 

‘Why here?’ Louis asked, looking around trying to figure out whether or not people had noticed already.

 

‘New rule.’ Harry stated, smiling sweetly at Louis and leaning in a bit into his space. ‘You sleep with me - you sit with me.’ He whispered, making Louis shiver.

 

He would probably think of some smart ass retort later, but for now he was working real hard on not blushing, especially since he could see from the corner of his eye that Harry was smirking like crazy, biting on a pencil. Thankfully the professor arrived shortly after, putting him out of his misery, but still Louis was acutely aware of Harry by his side. He could feel the heat coming off of him in waves or maybe it was his Harry-deprived body projecting something. Who the fuck knew. His body and his mind had split ways somewhere around puberty.

 

The entire class went by in a blur. The thing about Harry was that he was distracting, and for once Louis didn't mean it only in a sexual way. Yes, it was frustrating to watch him bite on his pencil or how he would lick his lips when he was concentrating on a question. But it was also distracting how he would scrunch his nose up when he found something funny but didn't want laugh out loud. Or how he would slap his knee when he couldn't hold it in and did laugh. Or how he would lean into Louis once in a while to say something, usually just two or three word quips that made Louis giggle in his fist, because damn him to hell he made Louis laugh.

 

He had just leaned in once again and breathed a quick, “that's what he said” that was so on point that Louis once again stifled his laughter in the crook of his elbow and when he looked back at Harry, it was like everything stopped. He was sitting there with his eyes shining, looking so proud of himself for making Louis laugh. Like it was the single greatest achievement of his life, and he looked so… beautiful that Louis suddenly felt a bit choked up. He coughed to cover his discomfort and to have an excuse to look away, because he realised that he just might have done the worst possible thing that he could have done. He had fallen for Harry.

 

Oops.

 

* * *

 

When class ended, Louis speed walked out of the classroom, riding the wave of his internal panic. How. How the fuck had that happened. How could he let this happen.

 

‘Hey Lou!’ He heard a shout behind himself and he didn’t have to turn around to know who it was, he would know this voice everywhere, so instead of turning around, he doubled his speed. He just had to made it to the library where he would be safe with Niall. It’s not like Harry would sit with them and risk Niall finding out about them. He was so close, but Harry’s voice still came from behind him. The fucker was persistent, Louis could give him that. He saw the door to the library and could almost taste the refuge when two strong hands snatched him by the waist and dragged him inside a broom closet.

 

Fuck. He blamed his short legs. Or better yet, Harry’s gigantic ones.

 

‘Jesus Christ, Louis.’ Harry said, shaking his head and holding Louis’ by his arms like he was afraid that Louis would just up and leave. ‘Can you just give me a few seconds of your time?’ He asked reproachfully.

 

Louis looked at his shoes, a bit ashamed of his behaviour. He probably made a bigger scene with running away that he would if he just let Harry say his piece. But fuck him, it’s not like he was the one living with this huge new reveal that he was in love. Louis was allowed to freak out a bit. Their relationship was complicated enough, Louis couldn’t even begin to think of all the ways this would suck for him.

 

‘I just have few things I’d like to say and then you can go and run away from me if you still want to, okay?’ Harry asked, strangely quiet as he took his hands off Louis’ shoulders and placed them protectively around his middle. Louis wanted to hug him.

 

‘I respect you.’ Harry said after a big sigh, looking into Louis’ eyes with unabashed honesty. ‘I respect you, as a human being, and I respect your boundaries. I do. I respect that you don’t want anybody to know, fine you have your reasons, I respect that you don’t want to be exclusively tied down to one person, I can understand that. I also get how you didn’t owe me an explanation before fucking off to Paris for six months.’ His voice started to raise at the end of the sentence with barely hidden anger, and he took a deep breath before continuing: ‘Sure, we were nothing right?’ He asked with a tight smile. ‘You didn’t have to tell me, so whatever I feel about it is not exactly relevant. You probably had your reasons.’ He said, hanging his head. ‘But this is killing me.’ He confessed after a bit. ‘I won’t ask of you more than you’re willing to give, but can you just please not act like you hate me? Can we talk while we’re in class, say hi to each other in the courtyard, you know, usual friends stuff?’ Harry pleaded, biting his lip. ‘Because going from kissing you, and holding you all night to you turning away from me when you see my face or someone as much as mentions my name… it’s … it’s giving me whiplash. It makes me feel like you’re not the same person, and it’s confusing so… just, please. Can we act like we actually know and like each other?’

 

This could not have come in a worse time. Louis from literally two hours ago would be able to sneer at Harry and say something like ‘who told you I actually like you’ or whatever other bullshit that he could see now he had been using before to not admit to himself that he might have fallen in love with Harry after all. But that was the before Louis. Before his big revelation that was prompted by none other than a ‘that’s what he said’ joke which was tragic enough in itself. But now he would have to be nice to Harry? Kiss him, and hold him all night, and then not snark at him and run away before Harry could read something on his face? How on earth will he protect himself now, when Harry after stripping him off his clothes for months, was trying to strip him of his last defence.

 

This was going to come back and bite him in the ass.

 

And not in a fun way, either.

 

But as he was the after Louis, he couldn’t say no to Harry now. He looked genuinely sad and puzzled by Louis’ behaviour. Poor likeable boy next door, that no one ever loathed to his face. Louis couldn’t make fun of him now and throw the offer to be friends back in his face because what if then Harry decided that it just wasn’t worth it, and Louis wouldn’t have to pretend to not know him in the hallway because there would be genuinely nothing left between them.

 

Ultimately, he didn’t know why he nodded his head in agreement. His mind was racing in a speed of light and, fuck it, he just wanted to see Harry smile again and wipe out the frown from between his eyebrows.

 

‘Okay.’ He added for good measure because he didn’t really trust himself to say anything more.

 

‘Okay.’ Harry nodded back and a small smile started to form itself on his lips. ‘So with that out of the way, can I join you and Niall now?’

 

‘You need tutoring?’ Louis asked.

 

‘No,’ Harry laughed. ‘I actually speak fluent French. But I was going to the library anyways, to study, so I figured we can sit at the same table, you know? Like friends do?’ He asked looking to Louis with a hopeful expression on his face, and since Louis was willing to talk that talk, he should probably walk out of the closet about his relationship with Harry. Whatever it might be.

 

‘Harry.’ He said, looking up to the other boy. ‘Would you join me and Niall in the library?’

 

‘Yes, Louis.’ Harry smiled widely. ‘I would love to.’

 

So they walked out, and Louis tried not to think about what would people think about seeing them exiting a broom closet together. Instead he focused on navigating to the table that he and Niall usually sat at during their study time.

 

‘Tommo, Hazza!’ Niall yelled excitedly waving his hands around, completely oblivious to the annoyed looks some of the other students were throwing his way.

 

‘Hi Neil.’ Louis smiled, kissing his cheek.

 

‘Hi mate.’ Harry said and bumped his fist against Niall’s, making Louis roll his eyes. He was such a fucking bro pal sometimes, honestly. Fucking fraternity brothers.

 

If Niall was surprised to see them together, he did not comment on it. Louis briefly thought that maybe, just maybe everyone was not as obsessed about their supposed status as he thought they were, but he dismissed the thought quickly, as that would mean that he was obsessing over nothing, which he was not prone to doing. He was a very down to earth and rational person.

 

‘Niall you are actually fucking killing me! No! Really just stab me with this pencil and be done with it.’ Louis groaned as he had been trying to explain a simple _passe compose_ to Niall for twenty minutes straight, with Harry sitting quietly beside them.

 

‘I just… why some of them you use with _etre_ and then others with _avoir_?’ Niall asked, scratching his head.

 

‘It’s just a grammar rule, Niall. You don’t have to know why!’ Louis gritted out frustrated.

 

‘Ni,’ Harry said looking up from his book, definitely having been listening in on them for the past few minutes. ‘Etre is used only with action verbs and reflexive verbs and if you can’t figure out which is which, just learn the entire list by heart. Your professor probably just gave you like 20 of them? She’s not going to use any tricky ones, you’re taking beginner French. So just learn those. You’re great at memorising things and you can worry about getting it if you decide to pursue a higher level, which I’m assuming you won’t.’ He shrugged. ‘So just cram those in for the test. It’s just a class bro.’ He added with a soft smile and Niall seemed to take it to heart as he nodded and immediately began reciting the words under his breath.

 

Was this another prime example of how herd mentality influenced everyone involved in the Greek system? Because if it meant that Harry as the alpha male or whatever could cut all of the stupid fucking Niall-questions out of the equation then Louis suddenly didn’t hate the fraternities all that much.

 

‘Thank you.’ He whispered to Harry.

 

‘What are friends for?’ Harry whispered back, squeezing Louis’ knee under the table and sending shockwaves through his entire body. ‘I gotta run though, guys. Want to grab some breakfast before my next class’ He added taking his hand away before Louis could even revel in the feeling.

 

‘Sure bro. Are you gonna study with us next week?’ Niall asked, barely even looking up from his notes.

 

‘Obviously, I’ll have to torment you now every week since I’m hurt you didn’t ask me for help with this!’ Harry giggled, standing up and grabbing his stuff. ‘But really I’d love to. I have this hour off too, and I usually just walk around wasting time ‘cause I can’t make myself do actual work, so you guys could keep me motivated.’

 

‘Sure thing mate, come round anytime!’ Niall smiled innocently before going back to his notes.

 

‘I’ll text you then?’ Harry said quietly looking at Louis pleadingly, like he was asking him to honor what they agreed upon in the broom closet.

 

‘I’ll text back.’ Louis promised and his stomach squeezed seeing Harry smiling back at him.

 

‘It was lovely studying with you lads, have fun!’ Harry added, sending kisses Niall’s way and with one last quick squeeze to Louis’ bicep, he was gone.  
  
Louis bit around the smile and turned back to Niall, ready to finish that day’s lesson as they only had about 10 minutes to finish it, only to see Niall already looking back at him and bouncing on his seat like an overexcited puppy.

 

‘So you’ve met Harry!’ He exclaimed eagerly. ‘Did you meet at the party?’

 

Wasn’t that a loaded question. They were reintroduced at the party, sure. Right after Louis got scared of whatever was going on and took his first chance to run away which came in a form of a six month exchange programme with a university in Paris.

 

‘We have a class together.’ Louis said, opting for a non-answer rather than an outright lie.

 

‘He’s awesome, right?’ Niall asked, for whatever reason desperate for approval.

 

‘Yeah… he’s nice.’ Louis said cautiously, not really sure where Niall was going with this.

 

‘Yes he is, and like, he had a real hard time the last semester. We don’t really know what happened but we think that he was seeing someone and then poof, he came back after winter break and he was not himself anymore. Someone really hurt him then.’ Niall said quietly and Louis could feel his stomach tying in knots. ‘But he seems happier, he was still a bit out of it at the beginning of year, but he got better, and now he almost seems like his usual self, so all I’m saying is he could use some laughter and some fun.’ Niall finished looking to Louis and raising his eyebrows suggestively.

 

‘Niall,’ Louis started. ‘Are you trying to set us up, or?’

 

‘All I’m saying is that after that person fucked him over, we haven’t seen him with anyone else. Hell, we haven’t seen him with anyone else for the entire sophomore year. So he is single. If you were, you know. Interested.’ Niall added, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

The dirty connotation of his words was lost on Louis completely as he was struggling to breathe, doing math in his head, trying to figure out whether the person that made Harry sad could be him. He did fly out to Paris right after New Year’s Eve, leaving a text from Harry asking when was he coming back from home unanswered. He did hook up with Harry first early September, over a year ago. Everything seemed to fit, making Louis want to puke because if Niall words were true about how heartbroken Harry was when Louis left, how there was no one else but Louis when they were together, if those were true, then Louis had to accept that there was another truth that he had to come to terms with. Harry seemed happier according to Niall’s words. He seemed more like his usual self.

 

Harry had moved on, and Louis had missed his chance.

 

* * *

 

_A knock on his dorm room door stopped his frantic search for a page that he had just seen a second ago, but couldn’t locate now, and he needed it, he needed it goddamn it, the answer to the problem he was currently mulling over was definitely on this page and he couldn’t find it, and…_

 

Knock, knock.

 

_He heard it again making him jump, his overworked brain already having forgotten that someone knocked. He stood up from the bed, trying not to squish any papers, but it was almost covered with them so it’s not like he could avoid it entirely._

 

_He moved to the door and pulled it open, ready to be annoyed with whoever was standing on the other side until he saw it was Harry and his body relaxed immediately. God, how much he hated how he reacted to Harry._

 

_‘I don’t have time to suck your dick, Styles.’ He snarled and moved inside his apartment with a smirking Harry following close behind. He would never admit it but he appreciated how Harry didn’t call him out on his bullshit when he was being crude on purpose like that. Because if he really didn’t have time for Harry, he could just shut the door in his face, but instead he moved back inside leaving the door open as a silent invitation for Harry to follow. Which he always did._

 

_‘Well then it’s a good thing I wanked in the shower before coming here then.’ Harry quipped, stepping inside the room and snatching Louis by his waist before planting a soft kiss on the side of his face. ‘I wanted to see how you were doing before your exam.’ He added softly once he had Louis safely tucked in his arms._

 

_Louis was thankful for the height difference. That way when he leaned in, and slumped into Harry’s body, his eyes were covered by his chest and his arms and he could pretend later that he hadn’t._

 

_‘Mpfgh,’ He grumbled in lieu of an answer._

 

_‘That bad, huh?’ Harry asked, a smile evident in his voice as he kissed the top of Louis’ head softly. ‘Well how about you go to the bathroom and take a quick shower, huh?’_

 

_‘Can’t.’ Louis moaned, pouting._

 

_‘Hey, Lou.’ Harry said, leaning back and touching Louis’ chin softly to make him look up. ‘Trust me. Just go take a shower okay? Take a bath even. Just ten minutes.’ He said, kissing his mouth in one of those casual kisses that he had started to administer lately, that Louis had no idea how to feel about. ‘Trust me.’_

 

_Louis would never admit it in thousand years but he did, he did trust him._

 

_So he nodded his head, ‘cause he didn’t want his answer on record and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door after himself quickly. He stripped of his clothes and sat in his bathtub, wishing he had a fancy shower gel to make it a true bubble bath. He sighed and reached for his regular barely bubbly soap when there was a knock on the door._

 

_‘Come in.’ He said, his body already reacting to Harry’s proximity. Him naked and Harry was always a lovely mix._

 

_Harry stuck his head inside the bathroom and when he saw Louis safely inside the bathtub he came inside and took out the contents of his bag, which seemed to be some candles that he lit up quickly not sparing any mind to Louis’ protest, and then a shower bomb, that when emptied in the bathtub made the entire bathroom smell like chocolate._

 

_‘H-Harry…’ Louis started, genuinely touched about how thoughtful Harry was, but the other boy just kneeled next to the bathtub and kissed his head softly._

 

_‘Don’t mention it. I’ll go get you tea okay? Be right back.’ He added and about fifteen minutes later, Louis was sipping on his favourite black, no sugar, a splash of milk tea in a bathroom that smelled like chocolate, with Harry sitting on the side of the tub and rubbing his feet, not caring if he got water all over his sweats._

 

_When he finished his tea he felt hundred times better, some of the stress from his recent exam released. He sighed, thinking about having to go back to work. He had his last exam two days later and he had to get a good grade, and it was the toughest one. Harry helped him up and dried him off in the big fluffy towel, kissing his nose in the process and making Louis giggle. After clothing him in a clean sweats and a sweater, Harry led him to the bedroom, where his notes were carefully arranged in order, his bed made up, and some food waiting on the bedside table._

 

_‘Come on, you have to eat something, and then we’ll study. I’ll quiz you.’ Harry said like he didn’t understand how monumental it was._

 

_‘Harry…’ Louis started once again trying to convey how much this meant to him, and scared of saying it out loud at the same time._

 

_‘I even brought flashcards with me.’ Harry said when it was apparent that Louis wasn’t going to end his sentence. ‘One of the brothers in my fraternity took this class last year. He gave me those flashcards and I know for a fact he aced this class. Come on Lou, it’s time to study!’ Harry fake cheered and spent the next four hours quizzing Louis and noting down everything that Louis still had to refresh._

 

_Finally Harry fell asleep on top of Louis’ bed. Louis looked at the time - it was already 2am, so he placed his notes and the flashcards on the ground and cuddled into Harry’s side. Harry was sleeping, he could let his guard down just for a second and cuddle up like he wanted instead of always being chased, always running away while looking over his shoulder to see if Harry would run after him. Wondering how far away he could run for Harry to lose trail._

 

_His cellphone lit up in the darkness and he laid almost entirely on top of Harry to see that it was an email from his thesis advisor. He read through it quickly. It was about an exchange programme in Paris. Someone had dropped out last minute. She, in her own words thought about Louis instantly because she didn’t know anyone who she thought could handle leaving the country for next six months in just a little over a week._

 

_Could he handle leaving for six months? He asked himself in his head, and soon enough another question followed: could he handle staying, knowing who he would be staying for?_

 

_He looked at Harry, wondering if he would see him in his rear view mirror on the way to Paris, and shook himself with the annoyed ‘It doesn’t matter’ before he rolled away from him like he was sealing the deal and typed a reply._

 

‘Thank you for thinking about me! This is indeed great opportunity. Count me in, send all the details ASAP. I’ll start packing’

 

* * *

 

Something was up with Zen. Louis was pretty sure that if looks could kill, Zack would have killed him weeks ago. He was also sure he would probably have noticed that earlier, but he was pretty distracted these days. He was in Haarper’s Bazaar only about 20 hours a week, but Harry was in his head and his phone 24 hours a day. It was strangely easy to leave the snarky comments out. He just made a point of sassing Harry any chance he got, figuring that if you squint you could still pretend he was mean. Zen, on the other hand, that was one mean dude. Louis still had no idea, how the fuck did he know him in the first place, or what he did to make him hate Louis so much, and usually he wouldn’t be so keen on finding out if it weren’t for a fact that work started to be insufferable.

 

So after a while he decided to for once be the adult in the situation and calmly ask him what the fuck his problem was. Only maybe in a less threatening way. Or more threatening. He'll just wing it.

 

So next day he was at work a bit after hours, he knocked on Zed’s door. What the fuck he did to get an actual office was beyond Louis.

 

‘Come in,’ He heard his cheerful voice and saw a smile quickly disappearing when he stuck his head through the door.

 

‘Can I talk to you for a second?’ He asked politely and Zach just motioned for him to sit down in front of him, his eyes catching a name plate. _Zayn Malik_. If he was serious about this peace talk, he could probably be assed to remember his name.

 

‘I noticed you've been weird with me lately. And please,’ Louis said extending his hand palm up to stop Zayn from interrupting, ‘Don't tell me I'm projecting or whatever other bullshit. I'm not an idiot. I actually have no idea what your issue is with me, but could you tone it down at work? This is a workplace and you technically outrank me and you’ve started to create an unhealthy work environment for me.’ Louis recited from his memory some lines he read on a peaceful solutions to office conflicts website.

 

But by looking at Zayn, it wasn't making any impact on him. He just stared at Louis blankly and if Louis wasn't close enough, he would say indifferently. But as he was, he could see a fury held at bay in his eyes.

 

‘Well,’ He concluded, standing up. ‘My conscience is clear. What you'll do with it is your prerogative now.’

 

‘Do you enjoy your pancakes in the morning?’ He heard Zayn ask harshly when he was turning around to leave.

 

‘Huh?’ He asked, completely dumbfounded by the question.

 

‘Your pancakes, Louis Tomlinson. Do you enjoy the pancakes that Harry makes for you almost every day when you stay over?’

 

‘Uh….’ Louis asked completely blindsided by the question. Was he in love with Harry, was that it? But how did he even know about them? Louis was under the impression that Harry wasn't going around telling people. Maybe he was wrong. Hell, he had been wrong about many things when it came to Harry.

 

‘How fucking dare you stand here saying that your conscience is clear?!’ Zayn seethed, apparently not done with the subject. ‘You lead him on for four months, then fucked off to Paris without even a clue, have him run around like an idiot around the campus trying to figure out where you are because you couldn't even been bothered to answer your phone and then the minute you're back he's running to the store to buy chocolate and marshmallows because GOD FORBID the prince goes one day without his precious pancakes!’

 

‘I'm sure he wasn't just buying it for me.’ Louis said after a long pause, his mind scrambling for some way to contradict what Zayn was saying and coming up short.

 

‘We are a football fraternity, Tomlinson! No one here eats chocolate marshmallow pancakes! We're all on a fucking diet all year round!’ He yelled out, making Louis take a step back.

 

‘So...he… he's been buying it because he knows it's my favourite?’ He asked, his mind whirling with what this meant for them.

 

‘Yes!’ Zayn responded a bit aggressively.

 

‘So he likes me?’ Louis asked because he just needed to be sure before he does something drastic and irreversible.

 

‘Yes!’ Zayn yelled out. Louis being slow on the uptake really getting on his nerves. ‘He likes you - you unbelievable tosser! He liked you from the start! How do you think you ended up at that party, huh? I knew Perrie from gender studies but we weren’t exactly friends. I just invited her, so she would bring you to this thing because Harry has been pining over you for months and we were so fucking done with his shit! And he didn't just casually stumble upon that deck either, we were watching you like creeps the entire party waiting for you to go somewhere alone so he could bump into you and start a conversation!’

 

‘So why didn't he want to tell people?’ Louis asked, his voice small, his biggest insecurity laying at Zayn's feet.

 

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ Zayn deadpanned. ‘You were the one that said you didn't want anyone to know. That's why me and Liam were the only ones who knew because he told us about you already. You made him promise he would keep it a secret!’

 

‘Yes, but that was only because he blew me off after your game I went to that you probably don't remember. It was your second game of the season and afterwards I went over to talk to him and he blew me off!’

 

‘He didn't blew you off, he told you to hold on a second because he saw Nick leaving. In case you don't know who Nick is, he's the dude that made Harry do his laundry for weeks after he gave him those flashcards for you. He was also the only guy in our fraternity that rode a convertible and Harry promised to write his two essays for class in exchange for borrowing it because he wanted to take you on a romantic fucking picnic after the game!’

 

Louis’ mouth was hanging open in shock. Was he really that insecure and anxiety ridden that he managed to produce this entire alternate universe in his head where he was a victim of this situation? Could Zayn really be trusted though?

 

‘How do you…’ He started before Zayn interrupted him angrily.

 

‘...know all of this?’ He finished the sentence. ‘I know all of this because Harry has been dissecting every encounter you two ever had, trying to figure out “What happened” he said with air quotes, ‘or “do I still have a shot’” he added, rolling his eyes. ‘You are our constant topic conversation.’

 

Zayn ended his speech and Louis wanted to say something, hell, maybe even apologise, but he was literally stunned speechless and so confused it was hard to make any move.

 

‘He's head over heels for you Louis. So if you like him too, you have to make this right because if I ever see him crying because of you I will cut your balls off.’ Zayn threatened and Louis, truth be told, believed his every word.

 

‘Yeah.’ He nodded slowly, something like a plan formulating in his head. ‘Yes okay.’ He nodded more confidently. ‘Thank you,’ He added softly before running out of the office and dialing Perrie's number. Thank God for Millenials and their smartphone addiction because she picked up after the first ring.

 

‘Hi Lou!’ She cheered happily.

 

‘Pez. I fucked up.’

 

* * *

 

This was a stupid ass idea, Louis thought to himself and told Perrie as much when they were standing on the bleachers watching the second game of the season between them and Northwestern University.

 

‘It's not. It's romantic!’ Perrie gushed, hugging him with stars in her eyes.

 

‘I'm not sure you know what romance is. When you asked Jade on a date you phrased it as ‘will you be the moon of my life’’ Louis rolled his eyes, still remembering the childish glee in Perrie's eyes when Jade answered with ‘Only if you'll be my sun and stars’.

 

‘You know nothing, Jon Snow.’ Perrie deadpanned, only to burst into laughter at her own joke.

 

‘You're a fucking dork.’ Louis mumbled fondly and kissed her head.

 

After Zayn had set him straight, Louis went to Perrie's and spent the remainder of the evening turning around everything he thought he knew about his relationship with Harry. Zayn was right. He was an unbelievable tosser. He had been so scared of getting hurt that he had done everything to push Harry away before it could happen.

 

‘I mean… duh.’ Perrie had deadpanned when he finished his tirade about how much of an idiot he'd been. ‘Why did you think I was always trying to make you talk to him?!’

 

‘For pure entertainment purposes?’ Louis had asked weakly

 

‘No, smartass. I wanted you to be happy. And you've been happy with him. You just refused to acknowledge it out loud.’

 

Louis knew that a simple ‘I'm sorry’ wouldn't be enough. It would probably be enough for Harry, he was lovely like that, but Louis had to do something bigger. Make a statement that he was ready to be with him without running away or pretending.

 

Long story short, this is how he ended up on the bleachers squeezing in his gloved hand the keys to a certain convertible that Zayn helped him get. Louis figured Nick wouldn't react positively if a stranger showed up at his doorstep asking to borrow his car.

 

He tried to make sense of the game, but he was always shit at sports and he couldn't stop looking at Harry even when the play moved to some other part of the pitch. Harry had no idea that Louis was here. He made plans with him after, not wanting to risk Harry going to a party, but he hadn’t told him he would be here during the game.

 

When the last whistle rang through the air, Louis turned to Perrie with wide terrified eyes.

 

‘You got this!’ She exclaimed and squeezed his arms before turning him around and pinching his bum to make him start moving.

 

Okay. Okay. He could do it.

 

He moved to the parking lot and leaned against Nick's car, keeping watch of Harry's Range Rover and the exit door from the locker rooms. His hands were shaking so he took out a cigarette and lit one up. He anticipated a long wait. They had won after all, so there would probably be speeches from the captain and the coach and then Harry would probably want to take a shower.

 

Three cigarettes later, he saw the first guys walking out of the locker room. He threw away the stub of his cigarette and popped a tic tac in his mouth. He anticipated kissing. He hoped for kissing this evening and he didn't want to taste like an ashtray.

 

Finally, he saw Harry walking out with Zayn and his boyfriend in tow. His hair was tied in a bun on top of his head and he was talking, gesturing excitedly. Louis’ insides flooded with warmth.

 

Zayn made one last warning eye contact with him before nudging Harry, interrupting him mid-sentence and pointing towards Louis with his chin.

 

Harry stopped dead in his tracks seeing him, but he recovered quickly. He put his hand up in greeting and proceeded to walk to his car, mindful of Louis’ stupid rules.

 

‘Harry!’ Louis yelled. ‘Do you need a ride?’ He added, making few people turn around. _Oh go fuck yourselves_ , he thought annoyed.

 

Harry turned around with a confused expression on his face and looked around to see if there was some other Harry waiting to claim Louis’ offer. He turned to Zayn, looking a bit lost, and Louis was torn between running up to him to hug him or punching himself in the face. Before he could take a step in his direction, though, Zayn pushed him forward like one would a small child.

 

‘What are you doing here?’ Harry asked, a bit breathless upon coming closer to Louis.

 

‘Turning back time.’ Louis shrugged.

 

‘Is this… ?’ Harry asked, only now noticing the car.

 

‘Nick's car. Yes.’ Louis nodded. ‘I might have talked to Zayn.’ Louis admitted, making Harry raise his eyebrow and look back at his best friend who was smiling at them sheepishly. ‘Come on, we have somewhere to be.’ He said and touched Harry's cheek slowly, feeling a bit choked up about the reverent look in Harry's eyes.

 

Actually the whole way that they were driving under the stars with the roof off, Harry looked at him like he was the best thing that happened to humanity and Louis vowed to spend his life trying to deserve that look on Harry's face.

 

He drove to the place that Harry had wanted to take him to, almost a year ago, nearly exactly to the day. It was a small clearing in the trees near the river. Louis stopped the car and took out a blanket and basket he had prepared for their evening.

 

‘Is this real?’ Harry asked, still smiling like a loon when Louis took his hand and led him to sit on the blanket.

 

‘Hopefully.’ Louis smiled and took out a thermos with tea.’If you want... yes.’ He added, looking to Harry shyly.

 

‘Are you kidding me? This is everything I wanted for so long.’ Harry breathed out, closing the gap between them and leaning his forehead on Louis’.

 

‘You shouldn't let me off the hook so easily.’ Louis shook his head. ‘At least let me explain, okay?’ He pleaded and Harry nodded, his face suddenly very serious. He backed away and sat comfortably, putting his hand on Louis’ knee rubbing it gently like he knew Louis was nervous and was trying to soothe him.

 

Louis did not deserve him in the slightest.

 

‘I know I've been acting stupid. But. When we met, and then fucked, I put you in a box of this perfect rich frat guy, mostly to protect my feelings. Because I had spent my whole life going to schools with those types of people, but it was never on the same terms. I was always on scholarship. They went  to sushi for lunch and I ate a sandwich my mom had made me at home, and well, kids can be cruel. So I learned to watch out for people like you and unfortunately I also learned to feel inferior about my background, which is another issue on its own. The thing is, I projected onto you my insecurities and in everything you did I was just blindly searching for the worst case scenario because I wasn't used to guys like you actually liking me.’ He said, folding in on himself. He wasn't fond of betraying his most shameful insecurities to anyone like this, but he wanted Harry to know.

 

‘And with… with how my dad left, I know it’s nothing unique, but I always had a hard time with trusting people which is your textbook daddy issue, but. I didn't want to attach to you and then have you abandon me like my dad did. Like two of my dads did.’

 

‘Baby…’ Harry said softly, so much compassion written on his face and Louis couldn't stand it.

 

‘No, Harry. I didn't tell you this so you could feel sorry for me. I told you because I want you to understand why I acted the way I did. And I know it doesn't change anything, but I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to stop myself from getting hurt. And if I could turn back time, I would. I would never have flown to Paris. I would have talked to you like a person instead of assuming things. But I can't. That's why I brought you here. Because this was the moment when everything got so screwed up. When you said one innocent sentence and I just fucking went with it.’ Louis added, shaking his head at his own stupidity. ‘So if we can’t have a time machine…. maybe just a do over? Can we just forget about the past year and start again?’

 

‘No.’ Harry shook his head and Louis’ heart stopped for a second before Harry continued: ‘I don't want to forget what happened last year. We don't need a do over and we don't need a time machine either.’ He said fiercely. ‘I fucking love you. I would move the sun and stars for you. You're ferocious and strong and so fucking smart and sharp that sometimes I have a hard time keeping up with you.’ He added, holding Louis’ face in this hands and smiling softly. ‘We don't need anything else except for you and me, okay? So if you want, we can just go back in the car and walk into my fraternity house holding hands like I’ve wanted for months. That is all I need. So what do you say, Lou? You in?’

 

In that moment, Louis felt the overwhelming anxiety ridden feeling that this could be his biggest mistake and as a scholar whose education depended on always performing to his highest standard, he was deadly terrified of mistakes. But as Harry was looking at him the way he was, Louis couldn't help but think that even if it was a mistake that was going to leave Louis heartbroken and in pieces sometime down the road, maybe it was a mistake worth making.

 

So he surged forward and kissed Harry’s lips. It seemed like the first time because there was no false pretence between them this time. ‘Yes. I'm in.’ He said when they were both catching their breath.

 

Harry's answering grin was blinding and when he stood up to collect their stuff, Louis grabbed his hand and looked up at him because he had one last thing he had to get off his chest.

 

‘And Harry? I love you too’.

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it? Visit my page after the author's reveal cause oh boy i have plenty of other ones :D


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